The Strength for Grace

I think I actually thought that having my own business would let me operate among the world of The Economy without the constant, drowning weight of bosses restricting and constricting my creation and expression in pursuing the business needs. But there is no getting out from under the heavy, dated, highly overweighted, bureaucratic officiousosity that is How We Get Along. We've got a code for everything and someone to complain when one toe goes over the line for even a minute, and someone else, paid by me, to enforce. No slack. Zero risk. Zero joy. Zero fun. 100% stress, for the code-breaker, the complainer and the enforcer. Completely Unfriendly.

Why is this deemed the best way to go? Why is this how the entire world demands we behave together in activities of The Economy? And since The Economy has somehow become the only engine of Society that matters, it's no wonder we all feel like we have no choices. We actually don't. All that stuff they say about it being a frame of mind is just pablum to keep us docile and believing that the way things are is the only way they can be and we should accept our place in it.

I'm tired from always being the one to listen openly, when I am not listened to openly. I'm tired from the unrelenting hammer hitting the nail into my head that the rules are the rules are the rules and I am not the one in charge, anyway. I grow weary of smiling and being friendly in the face of not-so-passive hostility. I find myself balking, this time. I find myself wanting to push back, hard. All the while knowing that I must not, should not, can not give myself that much slack.

But when emotions hit wrong at just the wrong moment, will I have the strength for grace?